Archive for April, 2008

Violence Can Be Funny

If I walked up to the person standing next to you and kicked them in the nuts, you would probably laugh. If you don’t you should check your pulse, then cover your balls because you are next.
Violence in video games is funny. There is not a more satisfying feeling than blowing someone away in HALO and watching their corpse fly off into oblivion.. And then there is the tea bag. Not so much violent as is is degrading. Funny none the less. Go watch some stuff on YouTube. People getting hit with shit is hilarious. Now I am not saying we should just start beating the hell out of each other at random for a few laughs. I am saying beat the shit out of each other and film it and post it on the internet so we can have millions of laughs. Lets face facts here people, when somebody clocks you with a plunger, the only person that isn’t laughing is you. Why because you are the butt of the joke. Speaking of butts, watching someone fall on this ass is just hilarious as watching them get clocked. If they don’t hurt themselves really bad, that’s even better. It’s OK to laugh at somebody when they get hurt. You know for a fact they would be laughing at you if you were the asshole. It is however, frowned upon to still be laughing when the ambulance arrives. Have some commonsense. Now I know that’s asking a lot from some of you, but I believe that even the biggest idiot does something intelligent at least once a day…Maybe it’s once a week. Screw it.
Everybody needs to loosen up. A properly timed foot in the way is such an old gag, but it still makes people laugh. I’m gonna lay out some guide lines for those of you who have no idea when or when not to execute such an act.
Bad timing;
- When you are at work.
- When you are in a church.
- When attending a funeral (rigging the corpse to wave at people is a good alternative, except for the fact that this may cause a heart attack or two among the living, thus making you have to attend more funerals. Funerals in general are never fun).
- When the target is holding a sharp object. Examples: scissors, razor blade(s), a Scottish Claymore or a porcupine, just to name a few.

Good Timing:
- When the target is holding a cake
- When the target is getting up from receiving a nut shot.
- After church.
- In front of a large crowd, like at a concert or something of the sort.
- In front of children. Isn’t there some saying about the laughter of children being contagious?
- In front of anyone of the opposite sex.

Now I know there are a bunch more of these, but there is no way I’m going to give away all of my secrets.
Strow

You Will be Missed

This is a tribute.
Big Steel Toe has moved on. He will be missed.
It wasn’t the Guinness that got him.
It wasn’t the lung cancer.
It wasn’t even the consumption of nothing but red meat.
It was definitely not his time to go. He was to young. It’s ashame when someone you know is suddenly gone. You knew deep down inside this day was going to come. You always thought there would be more time. You procrastinated like you always do, just to be able to cope with the fact that life as you know it will be changed forever. The lives of those around you too. There will be some tears, but ultimately there will be a celebration with friends and family raising a glass to toast what was and what will be. Nothing will be the same.
I will conclude this by stating that it was a beautiful wedding and I wish the two of you the best of luck. Say goodbye to the single life.

Strow

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