insultants

To blow stuff way out of proportion is News. If you have been anywhere besides under a rock, you have probably heard, seen or read something about these following items:
- Rachael Ray
- A Black and White Scarf
- Dunkin’ Donuts

Listed separately, these items are about as harmful and imposing as a bunny with a loaded pillow. But mixed together with a coffee advertisement, Pamela Gellar and Michelle Malkin suddenly we have a Molotov Cocktail full of fail and jihad. Hey look. Rachael Ray is wearing a black and white scarf. She must be a terrorist. Dunkin’ Donuts must be promoting hatred. I don’t know about you, but last time I was in Dunkin’ Donuts I didn’t see things like this on the menu:
- Nuclear Arms
- Blood of the non believers
- Racism
- Hatred

Things I did see on the menu:
- Coffee
- Donuts

I guess we are now going to have to ban black and white scarves. Not that I even own a scarf…Wait a second, let me go double check that.
*Five minutes later.*
Nope, I don’t own a scarf.
I just demonstrated more fact checking skills and journalistic integrity in five minutes than most US news agencies. Back to the insanity at hand. Next up, we are going to have to suspend kids from school for wearing black and white scarves. Old ladies are going to get beat trying to grocery shop because their scarf might possibly resemble something that could somewhat/maybe be tied to some sort of terrorist type of clothing. Now I understand the power a symbol can carry. A swastika for instance. If you see somebody wearing a swastika on an article of clothing, you have a pretty good idea on where they stand. But that is the point. They are wearing a swastika. Not something that looks like or resembles a swastika. If I am standing in front of you and pointing my finger at you, and you are looking right at me, you can clearly see me pointing at you. Now if there is somebody fifty yards away, peeking through their blinds at an awkward angle behind me, they might see me giving you the finger. But I didn’t, so I’m not going to apologize for flipping you off. I should apologize for pointing at you, because that is also rude. Sorry. Moving on.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it might just be a scarf. Or even a terrorist. Dunkin’ Donuts is in the business of selling coffee, not jihads. Jihads usually aren’t profitable. If you kill all of your enemies, you can’t sell them anymore coffee.
Strow

OK. Who in the hell keeps giving M. Night Shymalan money to make movies? The Happening. Give me a damn break. I don’t even care if the movie sucks, or is the best thing he has even done. I’m not going to see it because the title sucks. Yes I said it. It sucks. People are running from something that happened. As far as I can tell, the movie is plagued by the use of phrases that include forms of the word happen, that should add to the suspense.
Somebody should tell him that’s how you title a song, not a movie.
I saw a movie the other day on A&E. It was called The Andromeda Strain. Now that’s a good title for a movie. And, I didn’t have to pay $9.50 to see it. M. Night Shymalan needs to go back to the days when the movie title was more important than his own name. What a jerk.
That is all for today kiddies. Just had to get this off my chest.
Strow

Let’s face the facts here. Most of society is on drugs…legal or otherwise. Those who are of sound mind and body make all the decisions.
They screw up constantly.
Most people react to things emotionally instead of rationally. I personally, lack almost all emotion and empathy. I can recognize emotion, but the only one I can project is insanity. Therefore I lack the capacity to react to things emotionally. In conclusion, my completely insane ass is more sane than you.
OK, so we all know that doesn’t make any sense. But honestly, let’s put this in to perspective. I’m not what most people would consider normal. Fine, I get that. It’s a compliment as far as I’m concerned. Which by the way, makes me default to being classified as weird. I don’t fit in to some preconceived category of existence. Awesome. So people find me strange or insane. I’m fine with that too. I don’t beg people to like me. I don’t care if you do or you don’t like me. What I do care about is my freedom to piss you the hell off. That being said, I could go into a list of jokes. Dead baby jokes, racist jokes and even religious jokes, but that isn’t the point. The point is, since I lack the ability to react to things emotionally, I should be considered sane. Well we all know that isn’t going to happen. The irony of the situation is that society has outcast so many that the outcast’s themselves have become a common, preconceived classification. One day we will take over the world…Via the Internet. Those with popped collars will be the first to pay penance. Sleep with one eye open you preppy bastards.
Strow

It’s idiots like this that keep setting back the fight to legalize marijuana. What is the obsession with trying to make a bong out of a skull? Trust me, this isn’t the first time some potheads got caught digging up a corpse to make the skull into a bong.
I’ve been in this same situation. You’re at a friend’s house. There is pot, but no bowl, or bong, or even rolling papers. We always resorted to an apple, soda bottle or even tin foil. Not once did anyone ever say anything about grabbing some shovels and going to dig up a corpse so we could make a bong out of the skull. What the hell where they thinking? Their potheads. They obviously ignored the first and foremost rule of getting high. The sooner you get high, the better. Now if they were already high and had this “astounding” idea, we all know they never would have been caught. They would have dug a foot down into ground, then left to go to Taco Bell. Staying with the way to much work to smoke theme, converting an actual human skull into a bong sounds like it could be a time consuming process. Hold on a second, I need to double check some facts…Houston…I see. OK, so there is a good chance that one of the teens is a redneck. So all they really needed was a skull, pot and duct tape. But still, this has been done in other places besides Texas.
Pot smokers need to realize that there is no need to commit crimes. You’re high. There is a 99.998% chance that you are not going to follow through with your plan. The other 0.002% that follow through end up getting arrested for trying to make a bong out of a human skull. Most people blame the drugs. I blame the people. Obviously, there was a preexisting condition at work here. Drugs or not, these guys weren’t that intelligent. Apparently, the cops found no evidence to link the teens to the grave they dug up. That is no physical evidence. They are going forward with the charges based on their statements. You just failed on a Constitutional level.
Bill of Rights Fail.
I guess they don’t teach anything in school anymore. Anything useful at least, like how not to incriminate yourself. I’m sure in the end that some amount of forensics could link them to the scene. Maybe they were just trying to save some taxpayer cash. Well I don’t know about you, but all this talk about drugs has put me in a good mood. I think I’m going to take some of my stimulus payment and buy drug paraphernalia. Don’t look down on me, I’m doing my part to stimulate the economy.
Strow

I’m not even sure where to start. I told my idiot neighbor that they sucked at life and their cat was also an asshole. I couldn’t really read their reaction. I’m not sure if they were pissed, confused or just plain old retarded. They seemed to be good until I started insulting their cat. They got it when I was yelling at them about being “neglectful parents,” but it seems like I lost them when I moved on to the fact that their cat was a stalker and was trying to steal my soul so he/she could sell it for cat nip on the black market.
Next order of business. My quasi retarded friend who pseudo fried himself the other day got a job. I’m not sure why, but I am sure of the fact that his future employer didn’t see his left hand.
Last order of business is actually kind of personal. Since I have the balls to exploit my friends for the purpose of humor, I might as well do it to myself also.
Medical Science is a joke. My mother, who has already had cancer and a full knee replacement is in the trenches again. There is this thing growing inside of her lung. We know it is growing because they have compared X-Rays that where just about six months apart. It’s getting bigger. It’s not cancer. They took two samples of the thing. All they were able to determine was it wasn’t cancerous. Here is the news that she got hit with last night. “We don’t know what it is,” said the doctor.
Seriously, get the hell out of here. Who put you up to this? You have spent how much on school and training? Not that I am saying doctors are perfect, but the field of medicine has no idea what the hell it is? This is just great. My own mother has the only problem I can not combat with humor. How in the hell can I make jokes about the severity of the situation if I don’t know what the situation is? It’s not like the woman was a smoker and we could see this coming. My mother is pretty damn close to a saint. She couldn’t be a saint. She isn’t catholic. OK, so that wasn’t really necessary, but I’ll get over it. This blows, I got an arsenal of defense mechanisms. None of them cover the category of “other.” Sorry for the downer. Just needed a little bit of rant space. You’ve read my other shit, and you’ll probably read this too. If you feel need for sympathy, keep it to yourself. Remember that there is no better way to deal with your emotions then bottling them up. Which by the way (and this is only for the idiots that are reading this,) bottling your shit up is the exact opposite of posting it on the internet for anyone to read.
Ah, life will continue. Shit happens everyday. The important thing is that you are bright enough to know when shit is going down. If you suck, you won’t notice that everything has gone to shit till it is to late. For example, my friend fries his own hand. Two days later he has a job where he is required to use his hands everyday (not that there are many jobs that don’t, but you know what I mean. There is a difference between using your hands to type, and using your hands to secure thousands of pounds of equipment above people’s heads.) I guess my friend isn’t that dumb after all…So I wouldn’t let him perform surgery on my own mother, in fact I don’t think he could spell surgery. Well damn, I feel better already. I hope your day wasn’t as shitty as mine.
Strow