Hobos vs. Bums

It is time for another thrilling comparison piece. Today I will be explaining the differences between hobs and bums, and why my hatred for the hobo class is so much greater then for the bums.

I guess I should start out with the similarities. They are both homeless. I don’t count living under a bridge, or train tracks, or a cardboard box a home. I will not even count the sewer, unless you are a mutated teenage turtle that likes pizza and practices Kung-Fu. Smell is another characteristic. Both hobos and bums don’t get to shower very often unless they happen to be in Seattle. Clothing is also another aspect. Torn and tattered is the style for the home deprived masses. Although for some reason most hobos have a clown suite patchwork type attire. Both groups have no problem eating out of a dumpster or garbage can. But, the similarities end there.
The differences are what make these dirty dwellers so unique.
Here is one of the major differences. Luggage. Well it’s not really luggage, but a means to carry their few precious belongings. By precious belongings, I mean a bottle or two of booze, a urine jar, a half eaten three day old bagel and a frayed shoelace. But I digress. Most bums have a plastic bag, or old beaten up backpack. The more eccentric bums usually have a shopping cart where at least three of the four wheels are always in sync. The Hobos on the other hand, don’t have the luxury of being able to use a shopping cart. There is no way in hell that they could possibly get that thing on a moving freight train. So they opt for a much smaller and more versatile system. A stick with a polka dotted handkerchief tied to the end. Which is virtually useless. Just like the hobo itself.
Bums tend to spend most of their time begging for money, or sleeping where you need to walk down the street. Hobos on the other hand, frequently ride freight trains for free. Essentially stealing a ride. This is the preferred method of travel for the filthy hobos. Were as the bums get enough money to get on the bus and pretend that it is a bathroom. When bums do manage to move, they stay withing the city limits, trying to establish their own territory by peeing on their cardboard bed. Hobos have much more nomadic tendencies. They roam freely across the country, hopping from train to train mid station, until they eventually slip and fall off a train, and get run over. OK. So that doesn’t happen to ALL of them, but if it did that would be awesome.
This free range style of living is why I like to hunt the hobos. I’ll be honest with you. Pretty much anybody can hunt a bum. Go to a major city and bring burlap sack, a rag and some chloroform. Tada! You just caught yourself a bum. Easy, to easy. But hunting down a hobo, that is some fun. They are much more mobile, usually in better shape and seem to be much more paranoid overall. All of these factors add to the thrill of hunting these dirty nomadic people. And as an added bonus, their meat is a little gamier then that of a bum. Which is why I make hobo chili, and not bum chili.

I hope I cleared up a few things. If you know of any other items I should have pointed out please feel free to add your comparisons to the comments section.
Strow

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