We are looking for someone, how should I put this…More attractive.
Your resume and references check out, but you smell like a dead fish.
You are overqualified for the position, but I have to give the job to the unqualified boss’s son.
Why did you bother sitting down?
You look like the kid that used to steal my lunch money in elementary school.
How do you feel about punching babies?
Are you comfortable working without wearing pants?
I’m sorry. You exceed all of our requirements but, currently we are only hiring chinks, gooks, niggers, wetbacks and spics.
We don’t accept applicants that suck at life.
Did your mommy drive you here?
I wouldn’t say you’re our first choice, or even our second. On the upside, your clothes say that you are willing to work for peanuts.
You got the job! Here is a shovel. Go clean up all the shit the last guy left behind.
I’ll give you the job if you give me a handy.
Sorry, I’m not really all here today. My first born son informed me that he wants to be a woman, while I was walking out the door this morning.
Let’s see what the Magic Eight Ball says.
Just put those battery clamps on my nipples.
Why are you staring at me? Do you need something?
My wife just left me. You remind me of her.
You didn’t bring any beer? Get out. NOW.
How many acts of violence is to many for one work day?
So is relocating to North Korea out of the question?
Do you enjoy being flogged with a dead fish?
I hate your face.
I know a corpse that could probably do this job better and in half the time.
Your job application smells like vomit.
Are you crying?
I hope none of you have ever heard any of these things. OK. That’s a lie. Some of you deserve to hear things like this.
Now go get a job you damn hippies.