OK, so this stupid dry spell has gotten a little old.
Time for a random rant (topic is subject to change depending on what I am typing). Some of these things bother me. Others I just don’t understand which makes me angry. Let’s cover some of the basics, then we will get on to the good stuff (possible audience participation).
Old people that still have driver’s licenses. Not all of them, just the ones that are so old they can’t remember where the gas pedal is located.
Drug Companies. We get it, you don’t actually want to cure anything because then you will go out of business. FYI, your business plan sucked in the first place.
24 hour news channels. I get this concept. Good idea actually. If there was only one or two of these channels in existence. It’s become a vicious cycle of reporters talking about reporters on other channels, and how much they suck. A slow news day used to be only slightly annoying. Now on a slow news day I have to listen to every channel bitch about how the Democrats are destroying each other (which they are). Oh and when that starts to run on a bit, approximately five minutes or so, they then move onto explaining to me that Billy Ray Cyrus’s kid wants to legally change her name. WHO THE HELL CARES? Her demographic, which as I understand it is only half developed teenagers and old pedophiles. Those people don’t sit around all day and watch the news. Well the pedophiles might. They are always waiting for the episode of To Catch a Predator where somebody actually gets to touch a kid. *Spoiler alert* It doesn’t happen. The dirty old men just get arrested. Billy Ray Cyrus just proves his obvious retardation by giving his kid a stupid name in the first place. That, and the fact that I actually thought he was dead. I’ve come to find out that he isn’t dead…it was just his career that died.
Hobos. For those of you that know me you know where I stand. I will not elaborate on this subject. They make me so angry I would probably rip the keyboard from the computer and go beat the first one that I find if I continue on this topic.
Decaf coffee. Seriously, why bother? Just go sip some tea. Douche.
Monkeys at the zoo that don’t throw dung at people. The ones that do are just awesome. The other ones…well…they are just boring as hell.
Smelly Hippies. Seriously HeadBoy and I have had this discussion before. Most Hippies today have a job, a car and usually a somewhat inhabitable place to live. Most of them at least have one of those three things. Get in the damn shower. How could you possibly go to work smelling of BO and rotting fish? This actually goes beyond Hippies. If you smell, take a damn shower. You should probably take at least one everyday. I know that this is a little bit to much to ask. Honestly, If you haven’t showered in a while and don’t plan on showering soon…do us all a favor and kill yourself. If you aren’t going to do either of those things, please smoke pot alone in your closet. That way when you venture out into the real world again your stench will be masked by the intoxicating smell of pot.
People that don’t laugh at farts or fart jokes. I understand sometimes they can clear a room. I myself have made such a scene that a co-worker had to throw up in a trash can. I also understand that there is a time and a place for everything. The time is whenever you have to, and the place is wherever you are when it is time. Here is the fact that you need to know: Farts are funny. End of story.
I still hate Hobos.
Alright, I have a lot more of this crap. But I won’t waste any more of your time. It’s time for you to waste ours. Please continue with your own rants in the comments section.
P.S. P.S.s piss me off too. Just fucking say what you have to in the body…Dick.