I am by no means going to post or link to all of these news stories, these are the abridged versions.
Ness City, Kan. Woman sits on a toilet for so damn long her ass attaches to the seat. Fail.
Dumbass boyfriend feeds her and supposedly tried to convince her to get off the can…for two years. Fail status upgraded. Double Fail.
Bihar, India. Guy has family problems, who doesn’t? He takes some papers (currency notes, etc.) and puts them in a safe deposit box in a bank in the state capital of Patna. So it wasn’t a huge sum of money, about $17,000.00 US. The bank then proceeds to have a problem. Termites. Fail. So the bank didn’t get robbed, it got termites. I read this story twice. I’m probably gonna read again. This is stupid. This is no longer a safe deposit box, it’s now food. The Central Bank of India (which is run by the government) gets one fail, per bite by every termite that ate anything in that bank. Fail status upgraded. Epic Fail.
Whakatane, New Zealand. 27 year old man throws a hedgehog at a 15 year old kid. Fail. Guy gets arrested, they are charging him with assault…with a weapon. Seeing this story made me realize I know absolutely nothing about NZ. So here is all I now know:
New Zealand has an abundance of hedgehogs.
If you throw one at a person and hit them, you will be charged with assault.
If the above happens, the hedgehog is no longer considered a hedgehog. It’s now a weapon.
These international stories are just priceless.
Stockholm, Sweden. A fried rat takes out power for three whole hours on a Saturday. A subway station, shops and hotels were affected. This is how they explained the problem. “The rat had sneaked into a secondary substation and came into contact with some parts that caused it to short circuit. It must have been really big because there’s a certain distance between the parts it touched.”
I don’t know who to tag with the Fail. The rat, or the power company for such a crappy explanation. Ahhh…the hell with it. Group Fail. Oh yeah, now they have to sanitize the spot where the rat got barbecued.
That maintenance engineer went home to his wife that night and uttered those fateful words you never want to hear come out of a janitor’s mouth. “You’ll never guess what I did at work today.” Followed immediately by this statement, “Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I brought home dinner.”
I am going to avoid political news. At least US politics. That has Fail written all over it.
Here is to hoping your Monday went better than Headboy’s.