I am not an art critic. I don’t go to museums on any kind of regular basis. I don’t know a whole lot about famous artists. What I do know is pointing out when people fail. Chaining up a dog and starving it to death is not art. I am not an animal rights activist. If for any means you are going to kill an animal, eat it afterwards. The only waste should be the hot steaming pile that you leave in the can after you have digested your dog sandwich. Just another one for the animal lovers out there. In Korea dog is considered a delicacy. Now I understand that “art lies in the eyes of the beholder.” So what? Commonsense should be readily available to everyone also…well apparently not to Guillermo Vargas, or the idiots that judged the so called art competition. Throwing shit at a piece of canvas in random patterns is also considered art. I personally disagree, but that’s what I do. Because I am an asshole. Deal with it. Art can be defined in many ways. Letting a dog starve to death isn’t art, and I can prove it. If hurting dogs was art, Micheal Vick would still being playing football in the NFL. I won that round, let me get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.
Next on my list of art = you are a pile of burning tires;
Aliza Shvarts. Now this chick is completely unstable. She is an Art Major at Yale. Imagine how bad her parents wanted to choke her dumbass when they found out she was going to Yale…to study art. Fuck. If I got accepted into Yale, I would probably major in something that warranted spending that much money. So this psycho hose beast decides that her senior art project is going to be dead babies. For those of you that don’t know me, I am no stranger to a good dead baby joke. Funny is funny, get over it. So Shvarts decides to artificially inseminate herself and then she takes any drug she could to have a miscarriage. What a dumb bitch. She has been video taping these forced miscarriages and saving shit like blood samples to display as art. So here we are, we have outlawed stem cell research because…Actually I don’t know why. I thought it was a good idea. Whatever. So this bitch gets to waste a bunch of sperm and film it? If she wanted guys to see her vagina so bad why didn’t she do what every other college slut does? Go to a frat party and get drunk.
Here are some facts that I have been able to deduce from this pile of shit;
– Bitch has mental problems.
– Professor turned down original idea. She was going to film her periods over the course of nine months. Some reference was made it that not being “edgy” enough.
– She must have blown her way into Yale.
– She didn’t learn a damn thing about art at Yale.
– She didn’t learn a damn thing at Yale, except how to have an abortion. (If you are a chick and you are going to learn about how to perform a home abortion, college is usually when you figure that out anyway.)
– Oh and last but not least. Yale must be the worst art school…EVER.
Right now there are teams of kids in places like MIT and Harvard that are laughing their asses off. MIT gets a movie about kids scamming casinos for millions. Yale gets dead babies as art. Start sending your transcripts now bitches.
I’m almost afraid to admit how much I was laughing while looking this up. I know it doesn’t sound funny, but seriously. I think I’m going to become an artist. I’m gonna walk out onto the street and shoot the first person I see doing something stupid. Once they hit the ground and the pool of blood starts to clot, I will take a picture. It will be titled “Consequences” or maybe “Idiot I just shot in the face to prove this is not art, but homicide.”
I might have to give up. This shit is just writing itself anymore. Maybe I’ll try and start a revolution. From now on when you see somebody act like a moron, don’t call them an idiot. Just call them an “Artist” look at them with disdain and sadness, and walk away.