The Cable Company Pwns Me and My Soul

Alternative Title: Headboy v. The Cable Company
Monopoly, is a fun game to play. When it comes down to a Monopoly that is your service provider, well you’re pretty much screwed. I will be referring to said cable/internet/phone provider as Big C. Before I get into Headboy’s story, I will give you a little background info with my own Big C related issues.
I have grown up with Big C’s basic cable service. Not many outages, and the few that are encountered are relatively short. After checking my records I found that I have been using a cable internet connection for almost ten years. Now I’m not inclined to complain to much about the connection. The connection is great. When it works. Almost ten years and eight modems later I am still using the service, but I still dread the service call. Nothing is ever fixed in one trip. I have watched a tech install three modems in one day. Why? The first two were DOA. I watched him open and take the first two modems out of their sealed boxes. The first one didn’t even turn on. The second one was equally as crappy, even though it actually powered up. By the way, those two modems are not included in my original count. Neither of them were actually used before they died. I always have the problem that no one has ever seen before. I always have to call Big C an hour after the tech tells me it may take up to 45 minutes for the modem to get a lock, then proceeds to go to the next call. On more than one occasion I have had the same tech at my house two to three times in one day. Also I have had more than one tech in my house working on the same problem, at the same time. The same problem that no one in the whole entire company has ever witnessed before. In an effort to support Big C’s choke hold on my soul I now also use their phone service. Big C, three. Me, zero. And soulless. I’m not intentionally supporting Big C so they can take over the world, they just have cheaper phone service. Cheaper phone service than the phone company. That sentence seems to defy all logic. If the internet was to implode, that sentence might be the nexus point between the internet as we know it and the end of all humanity. When did the phone company become a big old bag of wuss? They used to be a monopoly. Now they can’t even sell phone service for less than the cable company. Ah, screw the phone company too. Those wing nuts now have cable and internet access via fiber. To bad it is only in a limited area. Usually the limited is about a couple square miles from one of their stations. I get it, it’s gonna take time. Fiber isn’t cheap. Whatever the case, not even satellite can offer all the crazy features that Big C does. Big C is also more reliable. I can still watch my cable when it snows, and I don’t have a dish pointing towards Mecca to get access to a transmitting satellite. Anyway…
Back to Headboy’s cable hell. He is an avid user of digital cable and cable internet. He had been missing a few channels and his internet was acting like a coked up narcoleptic. He went to an office and got a new cable modem and cable box. Shit was still bad. They send a tech to come out between 10:00 and 12:00. Tech gets there at 14:00. He was having just as bad a day as Headboy. He determines the line from the outside needs to be rerun from the pole. He can’t do it, calls another tech with all the good stuff to come out and rerun the cable line. Everything works. For about an hour. Calls Big C, I think for about the third or fourth time by now. They schedule a tech to come out the next day. Between the hours of 13:00 and 17:00. Tech finally makes it by around 20:00. This guy was having a worse day then the last guy. This guy was good, he replaced ends, splitters and anything else he could find that could be a potential problem. He also gave him a brand new modem and explained that the one they had given him at the service center was about as useful as a bag of hammered dog shit. He narrows down the problem to a cable that isn’t even being used. Two days of service calls because the first guy just wanted to get in and out as fast as he could. Then Big C tried to appease the giant cranial mass with a measly twenty dollar credit. Alright. He wasted two whole days of his life waiting for them to stop fucking up a fairly simple fix. Twenty dollars? Come on. That’s about as comforting as getting a monetary refund from a hooker because she gave you AIDS. No one can compete with Big C in their cable/internet/phone monopoly. On the other hand, no can come close to matching the debauchery that they call customer service. Big C, you suck. Your product is great, your service a steaming pile and your call support center couldn’t get any worse even if you had mutes on the other end fielding everybody’s calls.
If it wasn’t for your services, this rant would not be possible. This rant unofficially sponsored by Big C. Big C unofficially loathed by most of their own customers.


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