Possibly Disappointing Update

I’m not even sure where to start. I told my idiot neighbor that they sucked at life and their cat was also an asshole. I couldn’t really read their reaction. I’m not sure if they were pissed, confused or just plain old retarded. They seemed to be good until I started insulting their cat. They got it when I was yelling at them about being “neglectful parents,” but it seems like I lost them when I moved on to the fact that their cat was a stalker and was trying to steal my soul so he/she could sell it for cat nip on the black market.
Next order of business. My quasi retarded friend who pseudo fried himself the other day got a job. I’m not sure why, but I am sure of the fact that his future employer didn’t see his left hand.
Last order of business is actually kind of personal. Since I have the balls to exploit my friends for the purpose of humor, I might as well do it to myself also.
Medical Science is a joke. My mother, who has already had cancer and a full knee replacement is in the trenches again. There is this thing growing inside of her lung. We know it is growing because they have compared X-Rays that where just about six months apart. It’s getting bigger. It’s not cancer. They took two samples of the thing. All they were able to determine was it wasn’t cancerous. Here is the news that she got hit with last night. “We don’t know what it is,” said the doctor.
Seriously, get the hell out of here. Who put you up to this? You have spent how much on school and training? Not that I am saying doctors are perfect, but the field of medicine has no idea what the hell it is? This is just great. My own mother has the only problem I can not combat with humor. How in the hell can I make jokes about the severity of the situation if I don’t know what the situation is? It’s not like the woman was a smoker and we could see this coming. My mother is pretty damn close to a saint. She couldn’t be a saint. She isn’t catholic. OK, so that wasn’t really necessary, but I’ll get over it. This blows, I got an arsenal of defense mechanisms. None of them cover the category of “other.” Sorry for the downer. Just needed a little bit of rant space. You’ve read my other shit, and you’ll probably read this too. If you feel need for sympathy, keep it to yourself. Remember that there is no better way to deal with your emotions then bottling them up. Which by the way (and this is only for the idiots that are reading this,) bottling your shit up is the exact opposite of posting it on the internet for anyone to read.
Ah, life will continue. Shit happens everyday. The important thing is that you are bright enough to know when shit is going down. If you suck, you won’t notice that everything has gone to shit till it is to late. For example, my friend fries his own hand. Two days later he has a job where he is required to use his hands everyday (not that there are many jobs that don’t, but you know what I mean. There is a difference between using your hands to type, and using your hands to secure thousands of pounds of equipment above people’s heads.) I guess my friend isn’t that dumb after all…So I wouldn’t let him perform surgery on my own mother, in fact I don’t think he could spell surgery. Well damn, I feel better already. I hope your day wasn’t as shitty as mine.


4 Responses to “Possibly Disappointing Update”

  1. 1 Chris May 15, 2008 at 08:03

    Fuck that cat…and it’s love of sweet freshly plucked souls!

  2. 2 Floss May 16, 2008 at 10:36

    Bottling your shit up TOTALLY IS the exact opposite of posting it on the internet for anyone to read. . .

  3. 3 Big Steel Toe May 16, 2008 at 16:09

    Your mom can’t be a saint she did spawn you and that would negate any other possible good deeds that may put her in the running for sainthood.

  4. 4 HEADBOY May 16, 2008 at 17:36

    >to B.S.T.<
    except for the fact that his brother is a minister- that does point her to sainthood- well maybe not, methodists don’t believe in saints

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