All of the fan fare and controversy of the Beijing Olympics has come to a close. China put on a display that only a country with oppressive reign over it’s people could accomplish. With that being said, I’m sure Kim Jong-il could beat it. At least, that’s what he would tell all of the inhabitants of The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. And they would believe him…because if they didn’t, he’d have them killed. Yet again I have wandered off topic, and so early too.
Now that I am back on task I will cover the boring stuff first (and briefly). China took the most gold medals (51), USA took the most medals overall (110). The USA took home a total of 36 gold medals. Twenty two percent of those were won by Michael Phelps. He broke a bunch of records blah blah blah. Exciting.
Usain Bolt from Jamaica is officially the fastest man in the world. Also exciting.
The French won their first ever gold medal in Men’s Handball. I guess that’s exciting…Moving on.
The Men’s USA Basketball team aka the “Redeem Team” dominated. Exciting by default.
The Women’s USA Basketball team dominated…Again. Exciting, yet expected.
The duo of Walsh & May-Treanor continued their domination of Women’s Beach Volleyball. Awesome.
OK. My A.D.D has kicked in and I’m already done with the highlights. I apologize to all of those that were missed, but you’re not the topic so too bad for you.
Since I have already covered the ugly kid scandal, I will move on to another notable item.
Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai dislocated his elbow while attempting to lift 148kg or 325.6lb. It was rather horrific to watch. Some how he didn’t break any bones. But none the less, it has become a viral video. This has elevated him to a permanent level of shame. No matter what he accomplishes in his weightlifting career, it will forever be overshadowed by a short clip on YouTube. Weightlifting Fail.
Usain Bolt was bashed for showboating. As far as I’m concerned he can do whatever the hell he wants, he’s the fastest man in the world. Go ahead and try and take his medals back. You can’t catch his ass. Deal with it. So he was excited. Of course he was excited. You ever win an Olympic Gold Medal? No. I’m sure if you did you’d be excited too. I’m also going to point out the fact that he probably isn’t doing any performance enhancing drugs. He’s from Jamaica. If you don’t get my point by now I’m willing to sell you a small bag of Oregano for twenty bucks. At least that’s what I’ll put in the bag because you won’t know the difference.
Ara Abrahamian. You are an ass. This wing nut was pissed about what he considered a bad call during his medal match in Greco-Roman Wrestling. For a Wrestler, he’s a big baby. The IOC was upset with his “damn the man type of action,” when he left the podium and tossed his bronze medal on the mat. What a snub a bronze medal must be. He’s the third best Greco-Roman Wrestler in the world. To bad that wasn’t good enough for him. The IOC responded with a big old fuck you by stripping him of his unwanted medal. Seriously? They took away something he didn’t want in the first place. Big punishment there. Way to stick it to him. I’ve got a fist full of fail to hand out on this one. First of all, a big old Quadruple Fail goes out to Ara Abrahamian. Here they are:
Gold Medal Fail.
Silver Medal Fail.
Bronze Medal Fail by default.
Temper tantrum Fail. You’re not twelve stop acting like a pre pubescent douche.
Now for the IOC:
Punishment Fail. They should have made him keep the damn medal and banned him for the 2012 games so he gets stuck holding onto that bronze for eight years instead of four.
And now back to those wacky Chinese. How old are your gymnasts? Oh…you lost the paperwork. Right we believe that. That little girl didn’t have three birthdays in one year. We know you can control your people, their actions and even their thoughts. Damn you for thinking you can also control time. We know you’re lying. China is like the drunk guy that you can’t reason with once he’s drank to much. You know the kind of person I’m talking about. Everybody has at least one friend that drinks to much and argues for the sake of arguing, even after he is proved wrong.
Last up on the chopping block is Cuban Angel Matos. During the bronze medal taekwondo match he was disqualified for exceeding the time limit of an injury time out. He proceeded to push and then kick a referee in the face. After that, he spit on the floor. What a dick. His coach Leudis Gonzalez is also a dick. He said the ref was to strict, and that Kazakhstan fixed the match by paying off the ref. Come on. Like the Kazakhstan Government has extra money laying around to pay off a Swedish ref in the Olympics. Ludicrous. Consequently both Matos and Gonzalez have been banned for life from all matches sanctioned by the World Taekwondo Federation. Anger Management Fail.
Well that’s it. Another epic world unifying event marred by stupidity and controversy. See you in London in 2012.