Where in the hell have I been?

Well, sadly enough…Nowhere interesting. But that does not mean I have nothing to say. I know the internet didn’t fall apart in my absence, but for some of you it did feel a little different. It has probably been a happier place since I have been silent, but that is about to change. Numerous people have been bugging me repeatedly to continue down this twisted path of profanity and debauchery, so here I am back in the saddle.

I obviously cannot catch you up in this one post, but I will lay the ground work anyway. I truly believe that you can learn something new everyday. Here are some of the things I have learned that I have not had the motivation to type about. That is, until now.

A night of drinking High Life and Rumple Minze should not be capped off with an Irish Car Bomb. Why you ask? I will answer your question, with a question. Have you ever seen The Exorcist?

Good friends, some beer and a campfire is a great way to relax. Having one of your friends drive a lawn tractor (sans blade and deck) through the fire pit, is a good way to scare people. And make them laugh.

The only Doctor you ever need to see should be Dr. McGillicuddy.

The object in the mirror may appear closer than it is, does not apply to something being thrown at the mirror itself.

Ugly babies make angry.

Cute babies make me hungry.

Squirrels will chew on anything.

Squirrels are evil.

I still hate hobos.

It’s not acceptable to poop in your hand and throw at someone. Unless you are a monkey.

Only 40% of licensed drivers truly understand how to use the left lane. This percentage varies from state to state, and I made it up.

The home run derby just isn’t the same without the roids or HGH.

Shotgun rounds can be fired from a brush mower.

My Jedi mind tricks work better when I’m drunk.

The go to small talk phrase, “So how about this weather we are having.” Has been unofficially replaced by “So when do you think this economy is gonna turn around?”

Most things that happen in life can be compared to an episode of Seinfeld.

I’m back you bastards. I hope you can hold on tight enough to stay on the ride.
Strow

Advertisements

3 Responses to “Where in the hell have I been?”


  1. 1 KMac July 27, 2009 at 21:15

    Welcome back. I feared that your absence meant that you were either A) Sober or B) Happy… Both seemed like a long shot.

  2. 3 thesarabond August 10, 2009 at 17:21

    eh… i can HATE life again.. PHEW!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




INSULTants

When you need to offend more people in less time.

Random Number Generator

  • 67,048 people should be working instead of screwin' around on the internet.

This is how we tweet.

On this day in history, something occurred…somewhere.

July 2009
S M T W T F S
« Apr   Aug »
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  

Back in the Day


%d bloggers like this: